Jump In to Life, Why Not?

Feelings of fear and excitement present the same, so why not call it 'excitement'

Fear is a palpable thing. One’s heart races, one’s breath quickens. The mouth might go dry, the throat feel clogged and irritated from the backup of churning stomach acids. Excitement feels very much the same. It’s weird to recognize it, but the rush of adrenaline that floods the body during those moments of abject fear or feverish excitement feel strangely indistinguishable from one another.

During the bevy of shows I took part in this week—as participant, audience member or facilitator—it hit me, hard, that the thrill of really living requires a great acceptance of and comfort with a tumultuous tempestuous flurry of hard-hitting feelings that you must feel. There is no way around it.

I started the week at Colony in Woodstock on Monday night. For the second week in a row, totally unknowing what exactly I might play on their electric keyboard, I threw my name into the hat for the always-packed open mic.

This week I was No. 22, which seemed far more reasonable than the prior week’s #44. So I stayed. And when my name was called to “get on deck,” I went around to the side of the stage by the keyboard as instructed. As I stood there, taking in the room full of people, taking in my own rush of wonder about what the hell is going to come out of me up there, I felt that surge, that rush of panic/thrill, as the gentleman before me left the stage and my name was announced into the microphone to the crowd.

I sat down on the bench, smiled and spoke into the mic. I guess I said my name, and I told all the strangers staring at me that I was going to play some improv piano. And then…I played. My fingers moved along the keys, and then, as I’d hoped it might, my voice rang out in soaring wordless melody along with the “song” I made up along the way on the piano.

Geesh, it felt good. No. It felt AMAZING! I finally just gathered up the nerve to watch the video my husband took, and I wouldn’t say it sounded as good as it felt. But, still and all, I LOVED DOING IT!! The high of it is something I know from knowing so many musicians can be totally addictive. I might have to look for open mics…

One has to ask oneself in these moments of taking a brave step if the WORST CASE SCENARIO is so bad that it makes the SOARING JOY not even worth trying for. I felt that way years ago as I contemplated jumping off a high cliff in Jamaica into the rocky ocean below. I’d suggested my son do it, wanting to live vicariously, but he caught me in my game and said he would only if I would. So I had to try. And then, standing on the edge, looking all the way down, it seemed like however fun it was would NOT have been worth breaking my neck for. But the cheering onlookers assured me that as long as I jumped out a bit, I would be fine, so I did it, I jumped, making darn sure to push out a little bit. And wow. What freedom to soar through the air into the rippling tide below, to hear the clapping hands of folks cheering on my boldness, to see my son follow in my path to take the thrilling jump and plunge. We did it!

Certainly getting on stage has not nearly the dangers of jumping from on high into relatively shallow waters, but many of the factors are the same. This is the calculus: we have to live with the ramifications of the jump/the performance, whatever they might be, if we do it. But we also have to live with ourselves for NOT EVEN TRYING if we don’t.

I am always in awe of other people’s valiant efforts to do hard things. On Tuesday, I accompanied a Facebook friend I’d never met to the annual fundraiser for Forestdale, a Queens-based family support non-profit that offers training and counseling to assist in foster-care, parenting, education from early-childhood through to college, as well as career counseling. I showed up at City Winery as board member LaToya Jordan’s date for the evening, as she offered the extra ticket up, not wanting it to go to waste. I was, as predicted, amazed by the work this nonprofit does, by how much organization and effort it takes to try to help families in need in this city. I was thrilled when I recognized a member of the awesome band onstage, Nikhil Yerawadekar, the leader of former Hudson Nomads now Echo Rhthym Band. Music invades everything, brings a level of joy even in the shadow of the harsh stories told that night in order to get people to understand the necessity of the cause and open up their wallets.

The evening culminated in a beautiful album release party for Mike McGinnis’s “Outing: Road Trip II” at Drom. With the eight members of his beautiful band in tow, people he had lots of stories of long histories with, Mike’s joy in music, in creating it, leading it and sharing it, rang out through his expressive clarinet and in how he orchestrated the others, his friends. Being a witness to the collaboration was heartwarming and awesome. I heard sax player Caroline Davis say afterward, “that was one of the most fun nights of music ever,” and she plays a lot!!

Wednesday brought me back to Colony to see Brian Mitchell & Friends, one of whom is my friend Ben who I have followed to a million great shows over the years (and write about all the time lately when I do:) Brian is a renowned pianist, organist accordianist and vocalist who played with famed Woodstock musician Levon Helm, with Bob Dylan and others. They’d cleared out a bunch of tables, which was what first gave me the clue this was a dance band. And…wow. Woodstock locals came out en masse to shake their bods to this music they had clearly been dancing to for decades. What fun. I LOVE to dance, and eventually got up off my stool to move my body. With only a modicum of trepidation, I finally let loose and danced myself sweaty with one of the lovely older gentlemen whose moves seemed to defy his years. Fear of embarassing myself would have stopped me from having such a breathtakingly fun night.

I did cut out before the end, feeling sheepish for being tired given I was one of the youngest ones there. But I had to wake up early in the morning to offer my Sacred Bloom sound bath to the lovely execs and employees of Hinge, on retreat at Scribner’s Catskills Lodge. It was the first event at Scribner’s new Apex Studio at The Rounds.

I had that fear/excitement feeling that morning. Being the first to facilitate in The Rounds’ beautiful open space, set up for wellness workshops, meetings, whatever, felt slightly daunting, but I pushed through, reveling in its pristine beauty. I set up the cushions and mats and blankets and my own instruments, using sage to clean and bless the energy in the space. It was a beautiful healing hour. The sound in the room, including under the bright center skylight, is resonant and clear, and the surrounding mountains, trees and blue sky let in through its many windows was inspiring. I felt the surge of satisfaction in at least attempting to help people relax and tune in to themselves. I spoke to them of the importance of connecting to oneself in order to connect to others (something that a dating app company would surely appreciate) offered my various sounds, replicating nature where possible.

That night, I invited a friend to join me to see Pieces, a series of short plays I’d heard about at a venue in Hudson, NY called the Park Theater. The production was put on by the communal collaborative Winged Monkeys started by actress/director Shae B’lyn and Ellen Boyce to offer accessible less heavily produced shows “more often for less money.” As intended, the evening felt relaxed and homey and all five of the 10-minute plays offered up great food for thought. It was a rollicking range of the opening stylings of folk musician Phil Roebuck with his silver guitar, all the way through the various intimate, well-written minimal-set scenes by writers Adam Tomei, Derek Murphy, Geoffrey Nauffts, Joseph Walsh and Shae D’lyn (recognized by my friend as a regular on the late 90s show Dharma and Greg.)

There is a closeness one feels with characters in such a cozy setting, without the distance created by a stage and elaborate props. There was a recognizable discomfort as themes of loneliness, polyamory, social awkwardness, sibling challenges and trying to save things (a bird actually, but a bird that seemed to represent something bigger…) were represented through masterful dialogue. Actors, like musicians, are crazy conduits for our own emotions, and you can feel how hard it must be to get up there and go through with it. Kudos to all of them.

Saturday was the cultural finale of the week, with a trip to Saugerties’ Orpheum Theatre to see Upstate Films’ presentation of Smootaphilia’s Sensual Sound Sinema with the Ensemble Erotic. Dave “Smoota” Smith’s compilation of sex scenes from the 60s, 70s + 80s set to a live soundtrack was…how to explain? I had that combo of fear and excitement heading out alone for a sex show, thinking, “Is this weird? Will I feel weird?” But then, when the film began with an Anais Nin quote, I settled in:

“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.”

The scenes —including those from Don’t Look Now with Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie and Mariel Hemingway and Patrice Donnelly in Personal Best—ran the gamut from sensual and beautiful to hysterically funny to dark and twisted. Sex as a theme, you realize, varies in style and intensity in film just as in life. I found myself wondering how the people around me were relating the scenes to their own sexual encounters. I found myself thinking a lot about my own. I wondered how many films Smoota must have watched to have chosen this particular array, and, finally, I wondered how he and his Ensemble Erotic—Ann Courtney on vocals, Jerome Jordan on guitar, Jeremy Kay, Smoota on Casio and beats—managed to make the soundtrack feel so magically transportive, almost (I dare say) like sex itself.

The conversation I had afterward with another audience member was a little throat-clearingly awkward. It went deep quickly, about his love life and experiences with women, clearly prompted by the art we had just taken in together. He said something about how people used to do this more often, watch films about sex openly, together, and I wondered to myself about the often shamefully private nature of our puritanical society, and where the lines might be drawn. Certainly artists, like Smoota, always push at the boundaries. Discomfort is part of the process I think. How free are we in our lives, privately or publically, to grapple with subjects as complicated as sexuality?!

I appreciated that the film experience brought this idea into the light, and I am eager to explore the theme further…

Push your own boundaries this week!! Lots of beautiful music to take in around the city and beyond to spark that fear and passion!! Enjoy…

And don’t forget to subscribe!! Would, in addition to your subscription, so appreciate your sharing with friends who might enjoy, and your feedback! What parts of the newsletter do you like more/less? Let me know!!

XX

Peace + Harmony

Steph

CALENDAR: MONDAY, MAY 13 - SUNDAY, MAY 19

monday, may 13

Ari Hoenig Trio

Smalls

Sets at 7:30 PM + 9:00 PM

Starting the week with some great drumming seems like a great idea. Ari Hoenig hits it on drums with Gadi Lehavi on piano and Ben Tiberio on bass.

tuesday, may 14

Breaking Sound

Brooklyn Music Kitchen

8 PM - 10:15 PM

A showcase of emerging songwriters is always (well, mostly always) fun! The night features, in order, Fouad Dakwar, Sylvia Blair, Bug Juice and Bithja…The BMK has a full food and cocktails menu. On Mondays, they feature an open mic where those not-quite-emerging songwriters might try their hand…

wednesday, may 15

BZSounds

Nublu 151

8 PM

Woohoo! Bassist/producer Ben Zwerin has been the steady sideman for a million great musicians, most of whom I’ve seen him play with when he’s in and around New York. For the first time in a long while, though, he’s taking the lead onstage with his BZSounds band whose first single was released in 2023. Check out their music. Always best live though, Ben, a Frenchman, plays at the NEW Nublu with a slew of great international players, many of whom he went to school with at Berklee School of Music in Boston: Israeli Yuval Lion on drums, Swiss Manu Koch on piano, Americans Josh Deutsch on trumpet and Patrick Cornelius on sax, and Brazilian guitarist Guilherme Monteiro (who also plays afterward, at 10 PM, in the hot Brazilian band Forro in the Dark!) Should be a great night!

thursday, may 16

Sacred Bloom Sound Bath

Park Slope Home of Founder Steph Thompson (me!)

RSVP HERE

7 PM

Join me for my Third Thursday Sacred Bloom sound bath. This week we’ll focus on the heart chakra, working to build up that deep connection to yourself so that you might forge a deeper compassion and empathy for others this season. Soak up the sounds of my new heart chakra tuning fork, tongue drums, and a bevy of bowls, chimes and drums to find the love you crave.

friday, may 17

DJ Rekha Presents Deep Matta with Jakari Wing

The Francis Kite Club

9 PM

Release the stressors of the week with this beautiful array of Punjabi artists at the cool new Francis Kite Club. Producer/DJ Rekha Malhatra, founder of “Basement Bhangra” club nights featuring the expressive Punjabi folk dance, presents U.S. based Punjabi vocalist/songwriter Deep Matta, former frontman for bhangra-driven Rhythm Tolee, for the release of debut EP, So Long, along with queer Punjabi-American DJ Jakari Wing’s playful eclectic set list. There will also be a set by DJ Rekha.

saturday, may 18 (run starts wed., may 15 - sun, may 19)

Jane Monheit

Smoke Jazz & Supper Club

Dinner Show sets at 7 PM + 9 PM, non-dinner set at 10:30

Jazz vocalist Jane Monheit, long on the scene in New York back in the 90s, returns to her old Upper West Side hood to play with a new band for a new record. I happened upon Ms. Monheit in her home base of Los Angeles a couple years back, and was so taken with her sultry performance. Beautiful entrancing voice that has put her at the top of the charts for years. She plays with heavy-hitters May Haymer on piano, Karl McComas-Reichl on bass and Curtis Nowosad on drums.

sunday, may 19

Franco Pinna + Juancho Herrera

Barbes

6 PM - 7:30 PM

I met Juancho Herrera—one of the amazing Berklee guys on the scene—years back. His beautiful Latin-influenced jazz, pulling from the Colombian and Venezuelan heritage from which he hails, is fairly haunting, and his beautiful spirit shines clearly through. He sent me his latest releases in a message, reminding me he shares a birthday, April 15th, with my son. It is, clearly, a lovely day to have born:) He plays at Barbes with longtime collaborator Franco Pinna, an Argentinian drummer/percussionist, bringing a mix of their own original compositions that pull from music around the globe as well as unique renditions of Latin American classics.